guess what?!

I officially graduated yesterday! Magna Cum Laude (who knew?)! what a surprise. Almost a real nurse. Just gotta pass the boards on Jan 9th. Hopefully, I can take them that soon. !

snugglin

I love snugglin, if even briefly on the couch, 
and i love the little lights, and red. the indoors feels cozy and nurturing.

a sweet gift

I love other people's craftiness. My cousin rebecca loves to make infused vodka. And I love to taste test her infused vodkas. Anyhoo, she gave me this bottle of pineapple, cranberry, vanilla infused vodka. Yum! I thought i'd take a photo of it tonight, before Emily and I bust it open to make martinis. Deeeelish. So pretty, I almost didn't want to open it.

p.s.

i want to learn how to do this with my hair. Planning a 1930's look for the wedding day. its fun!

at the baby shower. omg

We didn't party quite as hard as we anticipated (ha ha). Although I was trying pretty hard with that mulled wine. This photo was right before Jamie just lied down completely on the floor. It was a long drive there. 

There were many small children there. We had the opportunity to play with kids, watch them do silly things, watch them misbehave or what have you, and imagine our lives as parents. It was interesting. Sometimes I simultaneously want kids and really don't want kids. I mean, there's a sense of relief  in walking away from it, and just being responsible for yourself. Numero uno. But on the other hand, they are amazing, and watching the kid/parent bond is really special. and i want to experience that!

My cousin is amazing, she's 8 months pregnant and was wearing these totally fierce black high high heels. You go mama. That won't be me. i'll be wearing a sweatsuit and birkenstocks, or some embarrassing getup. hee hee. 

Also, there was like this crazy ice storm that had just passed when we got there. Woah. Today in Philly it was like 60 degrees. Tomorrow its going to be in the 30's. I'm definitely getting sick. *sigh*

in other news, today i rubbed two pennies together to buy a mini xmas/solstice tree. and its making me soo happy, glowing in the living room. can we tell i'm nesting?

albany

today, jamie and i are going up to albany to my cousin Rebecca's house. We are celebrating the nearing birth of her first child. Fun! she has a name picked out (Leila Soraya) so pretty!

However, we did go party a little last night, and i'm feeling a bit pooped and hungover. oh well. Its the season of parties. I'm wondering if we should throw a solstice party... Last year we did, and a friend and I baked a bunch of challah. it was my first bread baking endeavor. i'd like to do it again. trying to create traditions and maintaining continuity is challenging. 

did anyone see the moon last night? apparantly its the largest full moon we've had in 15 (?) years. it was striking. check it out tonight if you can.

slacker blogger

its true. i've had so many things happening at once, i forgot to plug back into my online diary. so, in the past 2 weeks, i finished my thesis (whew). before this i did many interpretive gestures around the apartment, mostly for jamie's amusement (and concern), kind of metaphorically likening the completion of the thesis as the birth of a rather large baby. so, in between hours staring at the computer paralyzed by fear of dealing with it, dancing around the computer in silly fits of procrastination, and brief moments of productivity, i would squat on the floor and moan, and express how intense the sensation of birthing this thesis was. if anything, i was amused. i think jamie just couldn't wait for it all to be over, and for me to return to being a person who was not a) glued to the computer and stacks of books or b) creating bizarre coping mechanisms that were getting somewhat old.

I guess informing all of this is that i've had 3 months of intense, beautiful, inspiring and difficult experiences working with laboring women in the hospital. Its been present in my life and on my mind. Its been really awesome, and i loved helping women. I even really love postpartum. i can't even count how many times i've been in the bathroom with a woman, helping her with bleeding, with pads/ice packs, waterproofing an IV line so she could shower, or helping a baby breastfeed for the first time. really beautiful, and i feel super honored to be involved in these intimate moments. Its really a sacred time for mothers and their families, and being a part of it felt very satisfying, like i was involved in something larger than life. The part of it that was really hard, was sometimes (oftentimes) feeling the other  nurses did not treat the women or the process with the respect, kindness, and reverance it deserved. I feared if i went into that field, i would perhaps become hardened and calloused, as many nurses were. Anyhoo, i really love the work. If anything, it makes me want to study to be a midwife more. Not work in the hospital. or maybe try to work in the hospital, and change things.

But i'm also drawn to primary care, perhaps getting my masters in family health, and working as a nurse practitioner in an outpatient clinic. We'll see. i got a job (finally) at the children's hospital in philly. So working with kids is awesome, i did a clinical rotation there last fall, and it was great. It will be great to round out my skills.

Now, all of a sudden i'm studying fast and hard for the nursing boards. i'm aiming to take them in 3 weeks. but its starting to feel like to much. 

Hey, i thought i'd have some time to chill out. ya know, stare at the walls, paint my toenails. rent '80's movies from the blockbuster around the corner. eat hoagies and call friends i haven't talked to in far too long. 

no way! more studying! well, i can't really complain. i feel like the universe is bestowing me with much to be thankful for. I'm broke as hell but i'm happy. Wedding planning has been great fun, and i feel more in love all the time. Jamie is so amazing, and has really had my back through this whole mess of nursing school. In so many ways, i could not have asked for a better partner. I want to sweep him away  on a beautiful european vacation, where he can ride his little bicycle down the coast of spain or whatever. Perhaps! Feeling good. Thinking about y'all with the holidays and hoping you are well. xo

the rest of my week!

So, tonight Jamie and I leave for D.C.  I am going to this conference, which I'm pretty excited about. Its about healthcare justice and is for clinicians, there will be radical midwives, physicians and nurses who work towards immigrant rights and access to healthcare, some lgbt health work (though, no t, which is always discouraging), native american health. etc. I got a scholarship too for 2 nights at the conference hotel (schmancy hilton!) so Jamie and I are making a little lovecation out of it. Booyah!

He's excited to see his DC friends, some guys he grew up with. Peter is an animal rights lawyer, and his partner Doron owns and runs a vegan bakery in town. We haven't seen them in over a year, and they're really adorable. 

In other news, I've been wedding planning. We've got the date narrowed down to next September, location Boulder Colorado. It only seems appropriate. The shits expensive though. and trying to keep it small is challenging. yikes. Anyhoo, i'm on the market for a dress that has many layers of tulle that spring out in a tutu fashion and is some shade of bright pink. with maybe some peices of the natural world woven into the fabric. Where can I find me such a dress? I need a postmodern seamstress perhaps....

dreams

I had a dream last night, or more accurately, early this morning. In my dream I was traveling through this town of open doors and empty houses. I went inside one house after another, never seeing anyone. then i went into this house that looked a bit like the suburban homes of the playmates i had as a youngster. There was an older woman there that I understood to be a spirit (ghost). She led me to a wall that had encased within it 5 brooms. They all had  handles made from tree branches, that were long and knobby, but smoothed and lacquered. The bristles at the base were made of  long lavender stems with purple lavender flowers at the tips. They were beautiful and fragrant, and I certainly didn't understand the purpose of the gift. She instructed me to take one, make it mine and enchant it. So i climbed atop of it, and attempted to make it fly. I'm not sure if i actually did, but i spent a long time 'enchanting' it. The whole experience felt really powerful. It was the type of dream that won't let you wake, and when you do you feel like you went to another planet. wait, where am i? where is my magic lavender broom? Perhaps it is halloween creeping up on my unconscious mind.

fun on the farm!

Michael, Amy, Emily, Ashley and Linda, on our way into the corn maze
the corn maze was very short in stature. but 6 acres deep!
We came out VICTORIOUS! Much Cider was drank! Many donuts consumed!
and Ashley and I turned out to be pretty darn cute as apples. 

tomorrow

I go apple picking here! I normally have 12 hour clinical on Sundays. but not tomorrow. We are on "fall break." whoever heard of such a thing? Soo... i have off until wednesday.  How spoiled am I? anyhoo. I plan on navigating a maze of corn stalks and plucking beautiful low spray apples from their trees. with friends. How fun!

happy midwifery week!

some celebrities who have given birth with midwives:

1. Pamela Anderson (home birth)

2. Ricki Lake (home birth)

3. Cindy Crawford (home birth)

4. Demi Moore (home birth) 

5. Kelly Preston (John Travolta's wife)

6. Kate Winslet

7. Cate Blanchett

8. Lucy Lawless (Xena! home birth)

9. Cybill Sheperd

10. Meryl Streep (home birth)

11. Lisa Bonet (home birth)

12. Carole King (home birth)

the birth survey.

"because its easier to get consumer satisfaction information about a camera than about maternity care services..."

If you've given birth in the past 3 yrs, take the birth survey to provide feedback on your providers, birth centers, hospitals, etc. CIMS (Coalition for Improving Maternity Services) is a really rad organization working towards helping people make more informed healthcare choices. Spread the word!~

the engagement party

Nora made a beautiful cake with a raspberry heart

my momma made a champagne toast and cried. it was sweet
momma and her boyfriend, Mo
Jamie being fed cake by his boyfriend Chris
West philly represent. and Julie Davids passed through!

herbs in my life

I went to the Morris Arboretum with my Complementary & Alternative Medicines class to study medicinal plants. Their herb garden was so beautiful. I'm really getting interested in plant medicine. We have a class project to either write a research paper about a CAM modality, or interview and observe the practice of a CAM practitioner. Of course I chose the latter of the two. Who wants to write a research paper when you can witness firsthand and pick somebody's brain about their practice? Fun! So, my interviewee is the herbalist who runs this apothecary in Chestnut Hill. I'm going there this friday, and i'm getting my own consultation. Hopefully I will have some customized herb recommendations. Lately i've been thinking about taking ginseng, to get some energy boost. I'm also considering some St. John's Wort in anticipation of the winter blues (is this bad that I'm anticipating this?) Anyhow, I've also been taking melatonin to help me sleep, and I have to say it works really well. and I've experienced no side effects. It puts me out like a light. Amazing! 

where's dessert already?!

nothing stinks more than having someone tell you they're bringing you dessert. then wait a few hours dreaming about what delicious sweet will arrive at your study haven, then they call to say they will not even coming over! NO Sweet Treats that were promised! BOGUS! so awful! The cruelest of tricks! 

Now I must search myself, in this large city, for warm rice pudding with raisins, chocolate fudge torte, cinnamon rolls with cream cheese icing. All I can think of is the most decadent treats..... I, perhaps, am a bit spoiled. Nonetheless, treats I shall have! If it means settling for the lonely freezerburned fudge pop at the back of the freezer, so be it.

mmm. cookie time

at this very moment, i am baking cookies. butterless, flourless, eggless cookies that are full of melty dark chocolate chips. nothing could feel more right at this moment. its from my new favorite food blog: 101 Cookbooks. the other day i roasted tomatoes, which i had never done before, but it was so very easy, and the product, truly tasty. They got all smoky and sweet tasting, and i ate them with quinoa and lentils.  Deelish! The crisp autumn weather has renewed my passion for cooking and more importantly, EATING! I love to eat, especially when I'm under huge amounts of stress. Lets prepare to hibernate! ok. maybe not yet. Next friday, a friend is throwing Jamie and I an engagement party. The emerging theme seems to be champagne divas and prince karaoke. Booyah! Everyone's invited! 

more of the clinical

postpartum really starts to feel like waitressing. i never thought i'd hear so much grumping about and tantrum throwing from grown women. harassing the nurses. and the nurses coming back to the nurses station and quietly ridicule the women. all around, really unbecoming for all parties. 

why can't postpartum be this really amazing, feminist, womyn loving space of praise for the sacred feminine? why can't we get on that groovy lady love train?

i am reminded of how deeply misogyny is ingrained in women. and what negative feelings women have toward other women, that can sometimes come through in subtle ways, but overall creates this environment of antagonism. Its hard, because I'm drawn to working with women, but put into it like this, i see myself start to play into this somewhat dysfunctional dance. its a longer story, i guess.  Maybe i'm just seeing the glass half empty right now. But today, I considered doing med/surg instead. No, who am I kidding. I'm still looking for the magic. Magic swoop down and claim me! Make it easy!

thinking about love

"Like so much else, people have also misunderstood the place of love in life, they have made it into play and pleasure because they thought that play and pleasure was more blissful than work; but there is nothing happier than work, and love, just because it is the extreme happiness, can be nothing else but work..." -Rainer Maria Rilke

the front of my house

i adore our sunflowers. they make me think of jamie's love for kansas, and the fields of sunflowers we would pass, driving through the plains. everytime i approach the house they make me smile. and bumble bees and small birds flock to them, hang from their big bright faces. loving them as well.

early autumn. this morning was chilly. makes me wish I could grow my hair into curly locks and run through pumpkin patches!

i have never

before in my life inspected so many vaginas and anuses. i palpate many a fundus. i check many a lochia. apply many icepacks to swollen labia. hello hospital birth. hello awkward cotton gowns that no one loves. hello newly latching babies to breasts. all these things filled my day. and i'm loving/hating every second of it. 

nora & her childhood dog, sophie. cute!

slow cooking and more..

so, instead of researching for my thesis. oh my god. i went to KMART today and bought a slow cooker. I feel like I've hit an all time domestic high. but actually, i really want to start making my own hand salves (and secretly plot to make this my homemade xmas gifts this year-- the kind that i really like but my family is ewwwed by). it all started with the Boulder Farmers Market. i bought this beautiful, strikingly beautiful bag of dried calendula flowers from an older hippy farmer lady. I was thrilled by their bright orange color. However, I had no idea what to do with them. Upon inquiry, i discovered that calendula has skin healing properties, and is often used in salves. all you have to do is infuse them in olive oil. you can do it in a jar in sunlight for about a week, but apparently that yield a lot of microorganisms that can make yr salve go rancid quicker. Another online tip I found was to infuse by slow cooker. Hence my trip to KMART, in lieu of aforementioned pressing academic work. There were other justifications for such a purchase: I'm really excited to make myself cooked grain porridge overnight, y'know, with raisins, oats, flax, etc. I dont have the patience and time in the morning to cook the shit . but i love the idea of putting it in the night before and letting it slowly stew itself to creamy, delicious, nutritious perfection. i just hope the paranoia of catching the house on fire doesn't keep me up at night. If anyone has slow cooker recipes, hit me up!

i want a boxer! oh my heart!

Orgasmic Birth!

I just went the the screening of Orgasmic Birth and it was, phenomenal! I volunteered and help set-up and sell tix, and we sold out in 15 minutes! There was a massive crowd of angry mamas outside demanding to see it, so we had to have a second screening after the first. Amazing! The film was directed by my Doula instructor Debra, who is just this phenomenal woman. Mother of 6, Doula of 26 years or something absurd, and she teaches doulas internationally. Just a really magnetic and inspiring lady. Anyhow, I'm all jazzed now to do my senior clinical in women's health and help people have amazing birth experiences. My oxytocin levels are high and I've got moaning ladies and babies on the brain. How exciting! Also, if you haven't seen Ricki Lakes Business of Being Born,  you need to netflix that shit, its really eye opening. Its so exciting to be having all these movies coming out, really opening the dialogue of how important it is for women to take back their healthcare and informing them on their rights and decisions in maternity care. So great! I'm so jazzed about it.

we're engaged, folks!

It happened on the side of a mountain in Boulder. we're in love.

Boulder, CO. here we come!!!

Jamie & I leave at 8 am. this will be our view driving from Denver into Boulder. Booyah! so excited! Be back in a week. until then, imagine me making sweet mountain magic ;-)

my silly siblings

jess & greg (aka bubby) at long beach island. they're great. since they've returned from california (santa cruz and santa barbara, respectfully) my brother always wears his sunglasses at night. and now plays a harmonica. jessica is crafting homemade jewelry with wire, crystal and found objects such as driftwood and fools gold. Really interesting, pretty pieces. They bought an inflatable raft and were riding the ocean waves together. They're too great!

salsa verde, people!

so, i bought a box of tomatillos from the jersey girl farmer on saturday, and she so kindly supplied me with this recipe for salsa verde. How is it that I never touched a tomatillo before? what a beautiful fruity vegetable! this salsa turned out amazing (if i might say so myself) just a little bit spicy, smoky and sweet. so yummy. 

Salsa Verde

1 1/2 lb tomatillos

1/2 C chopped white onion

1/2 C cilantro leaves

1 T fresh lime juice

1/4 tsp sugar

2 jalapeno peppers, stemmed, seeded & chopped

salt to taste

1. Remove papery husks from tomatillos and rinse well. Cut in half and place cut side down on a foil-lined baking sheet. Place under broiler for about 5-7 minutes to lightly blacken skin.

2. Place tomatillos & all the other ingredients into blender or food processor and pulse until all ingredients are finely chopped and mixed. Season to taste with salt. Cool in refrigerator.

the old injury

so, i was in a car crash last summer. and i really hurt my neck. its been feeling a lot better for awhile (after thousands of $ in chiropractor bills, etc) and felt like i really got my functional body back.

then i don't know what happened, the injury has been re-triggered and its like I'm back at square one. Oh, the mystery of soft tissue injury. The pain is extreme when i try to turn my head to either side. Yet i'm kinda in denial b/c i'm still doing all my daily activities. Actually I cried last night it hurt so bad & b/c i was so angry about it. I'm just really fed up that it won't heal and be done with.  Anyhoo. i'm icing it. taking advil. doing the reiki. about to ben gay it. whatever!

I'm supposed to go down the shore today, to spend time with the fam in Ship Bottom nJ. My little sister wants to go sea kayaking together. This was actually one of my summer goals, to go kayaking. and i'm poo pooing everything that i can't . well, i am going to go though. I have a self pitying plan to lie on the rental couch, fuss and grit my teeth & cry to my momma. If there is some sort of life lesson i'm supposed to be learning from this nonsensical long ass healing (not-healing) process, i wish it would just present itself in a more straightforward fashion and lets be done with it. Universe, this is bullshit!

 

sunflowers! summertime!

my boyfriend's boyfriend

Woody & Jamie. Bff.  they showed up for our double dinner date last night in matching shirts. obviously the cutest mistake EVER.  

what i ate for lunch

i cannot stop eating tomatoes. today was a toasted piece of oatmeal bread, slather vegenaise, layer the fresh basil then the big fat tomato slices with  salt and pepper! my diet is hardly varied at this point in the summer. its all tomato all the TIME!

i can't grow them to save my life (i've given up folks. next year its just gotta be something else) but eat them... I shall! Clark Park Farmers market, here i come. tomorrow morning. to buy every single tomato!!!!

and speaking of environmental justice

i was looking up superfund sites in my area... and i guess it is no surprise that Philly ranks as one of the most polluted cities in the us.

the above site will even show you the name, address (and even phone numbers...if you'd like to harass) the industries in your neighborhood, and exactly which substances they are emitting and at what levels. amazing. My inner geek activist public health nurse is pissed off and drooling over it.

there are maps too. and a few places down the street from me as well.

I really like this scorecard site, that tells you how your city/state ranks in all kinds of pollution, what type of substances and what levels they are being emitted at, and what health concerns there are (y'know, cancer, birth defects, respiratory disease)

okay. thats my break from studying. i guess i really do like this information in a sick, angry way.

things i want to say

1. yesterday emerged an obsession with eco-resorts. i've been rampantly researching and imagining myself in a treehouse in the west indies, or upscale camping in the virgin isles. i get on these research kicks. if its not puppy searching, its ecotourism. is this awful? i should be studying for my final tomorrow

2. i miss jamie's family. its been a year now, since we last visited wichita. his aunt sends us a letter about once a month. its always meandering with light hearted gossip throughout. i think she gets lonely. anyhoo. they have two small dogs, and when we visit, we'll take the dogs on walks around the trailer park. really, every thought leads back to dogs today.

3. i'm going with a friend to look for a new apartment for her tonight. well, soon. in like 15 minutes. i am getting some giddy vicarious pleasure through this.

oh okay so i'm going!

late afternoon at my place

my sunroom garden. morning glories that bloom and shrivel daily. heliochrysum in the foreground, that apparantly has alot of medicinal qualities, that alas, i couldn't keep alive for long. sweet potato vine is my new favorite. pale green!

jasmine that flowers sprinkle the livingroom with sweetness & jade (one of hex's old stoic plants)

the mermaid room

Miss Kansas. animal guide extraordinaire.