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i guess i'm to expect myself to so quickly adjust to working two weeks of 7a-7p then 2 weeks of 7p-7a. This will be my life. Tonight i'm off, but am home forcing myself to stay awake until 7am at least, then i'll sleep until late afternoon, wake up feeling confused, jittery and exhausted, then do the same thing tmrw night.
i'm trying to do things like, clean the bathroom, to keep myself awake, but i think i keep waking up Jamie (poor thing) who is a regular human being who has to get up in the morning for work.
i wish the supermarket was open at least so i could take care of life errands during the night. nothings open, nobody is up to talk to, its strange and lonely, this overnight business.
its funny b/c i think of both of my parents. my mom worked an overnight shift at a publishing company when i was young. my dad is a truck driver and delivers bread to schools and grocery stores and starts at like 2am. So its funny to feel so sorry for myself then realize that both my parents work(ed) nights. I think the thing that feels chaotic to me is this whole shifting back and forth from days to nights. I am a creature of habit, and sleep happens to be my most favorite habit. Oh well.
This whole orientation process seems to be a series of lessons in adaptability and humility. I am so overwhelmed, constantly asking questions, making mistakes, feeling perplexed, and having small victories that i quickly forget. I came home today and just had a big cry fest over it all. I can't wait to come out the other end of this transition. its consumed all of my energies. can i go to bed yet?
