slacker blogger

its true. i've had so many things happening at once, i forgot to plug back into my online diary. so, in the past 2 weeks, i finished my thesis (whew). before this i did many interpretive gestures around the apartment, mostly for jamie's amusement (and concern), kind of metaphorically likening the completion of the thesis as the birth of a rather large baby. so, in between hours staring at the computer paralyzed by fear of dealing with it, dancing around the computer in silly fits of procrastination, and brief moments of productivity, i would squat on the floor and moan, and express how intense the sensation of birthing this thesis was. if anything, i was amused. i think jamie just couldn't wait for it all to be over, and for me to return to being a person who was not a) glued to the computer and stacks of books or b) creating bizarre coping mechanisms that were getting somewhat old.

I guess informing all of this is that i've had 3 months of intense, beautiful, inspiring and difficult experiences working with laboring women in the hospital. Its been present in my life and on my mind. Its been really awesome, and i loved helping women. I even really love postpartum. i can't even count how many times i've been in the bathroom with a woman, helping her with bleeding, with pads/ice packs, waterproofing an IV line so she could shower, or helping a baby breastfeed for the first time. really beautiful, and i feel super honored to be involved in these intimate moments. Its really a sacred time for mothers and their families, and being a part of it felt very satisfying, like i was involved in something larger than life. The part of it that was really hard, was sometimes (oftentimes) feeling the other  nurses did not treat the women or the process with the respect, kindness, and reverance it deserved. I feared if i went into that field, i would perhaps become hardened and calloused, as many nurses were. Anyhoo, i really love the work. If anything, it makes me want to study to be a midwife more. Not work in the hospital. or maybe try to work in the hospital, and change things.

But i'm also drawn to primary care, perhaps getting my masters in family health, and working as a nurse practitioner in an outpatient clinic. We'll see. i got a job (finally) at the children's hospital in philly. So working with kids is awesome, i did a clinical rotation there last fall, and it was great. It will be great to round out my skills.

Now, all of a sudden i'm studying fast and hard for the nursing boards. i'm aiming to take them in 3 weeks. but its starting to feel like to much. 

Hey, i thought i'd have some time to chill out. ya know, stare at the walls, paint my toenails. rent '80's movies from the blockbuster around the corner. eat hoagies and call friends i haven't talked to in far too long. 

no way! more studying! well, i can't really complain. i feel like the universe is bestowing me with much to be thankful for. I'm broke as hell but i'm happy. Wedding planning has been great fun, and i feel more in love all the time. Jamie is so amazing, and has really had my back through this whole mess of nursing school. In so many ways, i could not have asked for a better partner. I want to sweep him away  on a beautiful european vacation, where he can ride his little bicycle down the coast of spain or whatever. Perhaps! Feeling good. Thinking about y'all with the holidays and hoping you are well. xo